I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
