i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
