Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
