Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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