why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
