please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
