Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
