I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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