This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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