I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm experimenting with sincerity
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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