dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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