I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The Olympian is in my bed
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