you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
