The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
