I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
