After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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