Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
