Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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