why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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