You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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