The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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