I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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