At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
