His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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