I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
