That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
