She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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