There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize