now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
