omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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