Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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