i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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