You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
