Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
