Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
