i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
