This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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