if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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