He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
