Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
