is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
