i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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