Fuck appropriateness.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
