its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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