Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
