you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize