Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
