that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
