matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize