My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
