I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
