She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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