yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
