I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
