they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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