I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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