I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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