i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
