Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
