I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
