Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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