come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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