and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
bring money and cleavage
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
