I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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