And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
