I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think your dad took our porno
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
