Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
